She's my dream

Yes, I've lost my mind. I've lost my mind so badly. So badly, that it nearly hurts. Hurts to see her with others, others than me. Laughing with them without me. Having fun with them... Oh, it hurts so much!

I wrote it on the paper, and sighed. I knew I could never be with her, but still... Everyone has the right to dream, right? That's why I wrote every night what had happened between us two, or just how much I care about her. Too bad I had no chance with her!

She was popular, pretty, nice, didn't bully anyone, liked everyone... Everything anyone could hope for! And me? I was just fat and no one liked me... I would never share my feelings with her, never! She would just hate me!

I will just hide these feelings, and everything is going to be alright… I just can't think about her, or watch her and her beautiful eyes when she walks past me at school… No, I can't!

That night I had a dream. Everyone were really happy about something… I wanted to see what was so nice that some of them shared.
I saw me. Dead. Everyone liked it, now there was one less desperate sad fat kid ruining the world. Even my mum… Well, especially my mum seemed happy. She was crying out of joy! Her terrible child finally died! And she… She danced on my grave! She looked really glad… Dancing with all the boys from my class. So glad…

When I woke up, I knew what I needed to do. I wrote something on the paper, took a knife, locked my room's door and blood began to flow. From my wrists, my legs, my stomach, my head… Soon there wasn't any left to shear. My lifeless body smiled happily, holding the letter in her hand. Everything was finally over…

Few days later there's a funeral. Black and white, just like I wanted. Beautiful flowers all around the place, all of my pencils, and most important, her. She was invited, just like I wanted. In my letter is everything: why I couldn't go on, how much I love her, and how much I want her to know now.

It is much easier to tell, if you know that you will die soon. Or that you know someone else is going to tell to her for you. Writing a letter, drawing a picture… It's so easy, when you know that you won't see, when she rejects you! So much better to be dead forever than to slowly kill yourself by living close to her, although you know she doesn't love you!

I watch the funeral from above. But… There's something wrong… She's crying. Crying a lot. For me? But she couldn't! I was just a stupid unpopular kid who fell in love with her! She can't… She can't be that sad about my dying!

It's her turn to say goodbyes to me… What will she say? Something about me being pathetic? … No. She isn't saying what I'm hearing! No… I made her sad? But how can my death be that sad?

I'm not hearing that! She is not saying those words! She really isn't! I'm clearly imagining everything! How could she..?

" I love you, too... Why did you leave me..? Why did you want to go away? I love you…" she cried, looking so sad… Why did I do it, exactly? There would've still been so much left to live! How stupid of me… Ending my life before trying to make it worth something.